As I reread this old post, I could not believe that I wrote this. I have come so far from these feelings in the past 2 years that I don't recognize them at all. Let go and Let God. In the last several months I have been doing nothing but blocking God. I want it my way. I don't want to follow through on my commitments I've made be fore Him and everyone. I don't want to take time each day to meditate a see the wrong in me to be able to see the right in HIM. I want what I want and I want it now. When did I get so spoiled? When did I get so disrespectful? Yes I am human and of the flesh and have my problems but is that an excuse to put myself higher than GOD? I today vow to give everything to GOD where it needed to be anyway and recognize myself for only the vessel which HE can make Himself known and do His will. I'm letting go again. But this time I'm keep my eyes fixed on God and not on me.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7 TNIV
Last weekend my husband and I, along with his family, traveled to Newport News for his sisters wedding. I admit, I was not looking forward to the weekend trip. I was driving but had no clue where we were going. His sister booked the hotel room and again I had no knowledge of where this room was or check in or check out time. I didn't even know the guy she was marrying or the family that we would be spending so much our time with. But LaMesha was getting married. I wanted to be happy for her and enjoy the wedding and this union being blessed by God. So after much sulking while packing and thinking of everything that could go wrong because I wasn't controlling and planning, I sat down on my bed and said a small prayer. I told God that the attitude that I had, I didn't want to have all weekend so I was going with whatever plan he had for me. I would quietly go and allow Him to guide me and my family as we made the trip. I would do whatever needed to be done of me to serve Him and my extended family. Well, the trip was great!!! The wedding was small but beautiful. The Harris's were wonderful. They were the type of people that even though they had not met me before were more than glad to open their home and hearts to us. As I reflect over last weekend I feel encouraged that letting go was one of the best things I could have done.
On this journey of faith and understanding of becoming the person that Christ would have me to be, I struggle with the letting go part. I make plans and list and want things to go exactly this way or that. But who am to say what will happen on any given day? Am I not just a part of HIS great creation here to glorify HIM and His work? It's almost like saying to God, "Okay today you need to make this and this and this happen, this way and then I'll be happy." The nerve of me, right? I should be saying, "This is the day that you have made and graciously allowed me to be a part of. Take me and use me for your will and your plans that you may be glorified. I am just happy to be alive and a reaper of your mercy."
I find myself anxious when I'm not in control or rather when I feel I'm not in control but truly, I am not ever in control. God is now and always will be. Letting for what is a brief moment in my life was the best decision I have ever made. I just need to transfer that to everything in my life. How wonderful the life I lead would be if I consistently let God do his will as it ought to be and just stay out of His way.
